Step 7: Know What You Need So You Get What You Want

Now, this lesson was/is hard to learn, but well worth its weight in gold. Having a long-term health situation has posed different challenges over the years; whether in my work life, home life, love life, friendships or in my family.

One of my hugest hurdles has been denial. My own denial of having health issues has kept me from mending properly on many occasions; kept me from acknowledging something was actually happening with my body and ultimately kept me from taking care of myself at critical times. The denial wasn't just about not accepting my own limitations; it was also about having to mask for other people to convince them I'm "normal" (whatever that means). And in my recent quest of best practices for loving and caring for myself, this has definitely come up requiring a real review.

Yesterday was the first time I was out in public on a cane. At least willingly. What did this mean? It meant that 1) I understood that I was having a long day, was in a mid-grade level of pain; and 2) was willing to give myself the support I needed to last the whole day. This my friend, is progress. Being real about where I am and what I need will help me take better care of myself, and have more realistic expectations for myself. I was able to laugh and smile throughout the day because of that one little step that I've resisted for YEARS prior. Yes, I will admit part of it is vanity; I am a single woman for crying out loud...lol. But the bigger lesson here is the more I practice self-care, the easier it becomes. The easier it becomes, the more likely I will be able to do it automatically. This matters because there have been significant times when I've been willing to forsake my own self-care for someone or something else; and that hasn't worked out to my advantage as many times as I thought it would. (um, none.) So now, I carry my booster pillows when I go out, take my time walking, take deep breaths and do my best to check in with myself about how I'm feeling. We're getting there :)

I will admit, I still heard my ex's voice yesterday when I first got out there on the cane; for a moment I questioned if I could be "tougher" like he wanted me to, but his voice is not the only voice that's inside me. Thankfully, a voice of self-love and compassion is growing stronger and louder everyday...and for that, I am truly grateful.