Step 8: Choosing the Lens to Look Through

In all my reading, research and experiences, I have learned that one of the most important things is how you both look at and deal with things. My attitude towards my situation is more important than my actual situation as I have come to find out. This particular lesson is important to me now because it really is JUST starting to make sense to me in terms of what that really means.

I have been working on ways to incorporate health as an overall concept into my life ever since I was 20 years old. Whether that meant changing my environment or to stop putting chemicals in my hair. Every step has been a direct choice. When I was about 24 or so, I got a hold of Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Life". In the book, it stated that the psycho-emotional cause of Lupus was basically the inability to stand up for one's self; and it even provided an affirmation to counterbalance the body's message of dis-ease, of which I incorporated as much as I possibly could (even though communication definitely was not my strong suit).

I think what I have been grieving the last few years is all the work to "heal my life" feeling futile because I still had flares. Especially after having a long period of remission, it was quite frustrating to have any symptoms return. This caused me to do extreme diets, cleanses and fasts to "heal" myself, and quickly. And somehow, if I didn't get "better", something was REALLY wrong with me, because I have the power to heal myself.

At this point, it's not that I think that's not true. I do have the power to heal myself. I just think that having to be TOTALLY symptom-free for the rest of my life or I'm a failure is very stressful; and stress triggers Lupus flares. Also that kind of thinking and pressure over the last six years has not allowed me to have any wiggle room--it's either I'm well or not. The degrees of wellness get missed, as well as any progress. Here's my recent lens shift: I have the power to contribute to my well-being at all times. This means whether or not I'm having a full on flare or even mild symptoms. This means my goal is to ensure a healthful environment, conversations, company, etc. This means I will give myself a break sometimes. This means I understand every day is not easy - regardless of health issues or not. BUT, at the end of the day I am grateful. Grateful for noticing that I needed support in achieving a better state of wellness; grateful for reaching out despite discomfort, and having the sense to accept what I need that's outside of myself.

It's not just about knowing what to do from years of research, reading and experimenting; it's about having the wisdom to discern how to apply the knowledge I've accumulated over the years. In the words of Kenny Rogers, "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run". My goal is specifically this: to look for the best way to take care of myself in any particular situation. That I can do.